Lawyers' worst instincts

The following exchange in dueling ex parte briefs pissed off the judge. Go figure!

Plaintiff's moving papers:

It is little wonder why attorneys are regarded with such disdain by the public at large given the duplicitous conduct of [defendant's] counsel and others of like ilk . . . . Argument in the alternative is one thing, but agreements and declarations in the alternative is nothing more than janus-faced mercenaries with no regard for one's role as an officer of the Court.

The Defendant's lawyer perceived this as just another indicator of the maleficence of the adversary. His opposition is not subtle:

[Plaintiff's] conduct is incredible. [Plaintiff] first notified [defendant] of its intention to file its discovery motion one day prior to filing the motion . . . . When [defendant's] counsel could not meet on only ten minutes' notice, [plaintiff's] counsel decided to go ahead and file its procedurally defective motion without meeting. [Plaintiff's] ambush tactics and utter disregard for [the local rules] is scandalous.

Well played you too. (Mission Power Engineering Company v. Continental Casualty Company (C.D. Cal. 1995) 883 F.Supp. 488.)